On A First Date With Icy
by Aelfstangard
Summary: This is an exposé on Icy as well as a general guide on how to date a Witch and live to tell the tale.


**Going On A Date With Icy**

One thing you have to remember when planning a date with a Witch is that you can not plan a date with a Witch. Witches are domineering types who want to be on top of everything – quite literally everything. When a Witch makes her desires known, one had better listen and obey. Sure, make your plans but expect them to go out the window at any time. But Witches are not all as hot-headed and unreasonable as Stormy. Icy has been know to accept and even ask for ideas and input from others. However, if you do want Icy accept one of your ideas, the best approach is to word it so it appears to be her idea then praise her to the skies for such a wonderful idea if she accepts. You would be surprised how well this actually works. Icy is no fool and is actually very open to new ideas from others – especially when she sees something in them that is to her own advantage and personal gain and gratification – and she knows how to improvise and expand on them in ways others cannot imagine. That is why Icy is leader and the others follow.

First Date Gift:

Three black roses and three gourmet chocolates in a silver box. This may sound cheap but black roses are rare and the chocolates come from a exclusive confectionary where there is a master confectioner on site at all times. The chocolates are ordered by the piece and made on the spot from the finest ingredients available. She will appreciate the contrast between the black roses and silver box. Silver is Icy's favourite colour, so she says, after pink, black and pale blue.

Which brings up another point about dating a Witch in general. Never, ever, make a gift to a Witch of something that is inferior, slip-shod or second rate for she will know it in a flash and if she even suspects something you have offered is inferior her fury will be such you will wish yourself in the Downworld facing Queen Amentia instead. A Witch appreciates value. Contrary to wide-held belief, a Witch will praise the lowliest peasant for a gift of something small she deems useful and well made with care and attention to detail but she will trash without mercy a king who offers her a wagon full of useless glitz. Remember that. It may well save your life one day.

Dinner:

It is a myth that Witches thrive on eating rotten, putrid and disgusting things. The rule of thumb is that what kills Faeries and Humans will also kill them. Witches have greater powers of smell and taste than most Faeries and Humans but unlike them, they cannot taste sweet. This has nothing to do with their Witch nature but is a genetic difference that has been passed through mothers to daughters for countless generations. But this alone has lead to more misconceptions and outright lies about Witches, their nature and their eating habits than many other things combined. True, Witches do live to please their senses and eating is a great part of it. So food and the preparation of food is serious business with them and the competition among Witch chefs is vicious. When Bloom and Flora spent a semester as exchange students at Cloud Tower, they found the cafeteria there to be immense, hygienic and as well-appointed as any five-star restaurant. (Only Stella refused to eat there because of lack of sunlight. But then she had the cheek to order all her food in from Solaria and charge it to the Cloud Tower tab. She came yea close to being on the Cloud Tower Table d'Hôte as "Roast of Stella cooked wrapped in her own wings and served with twinkleberry sauce".) Sure, you are going to find some strange things on the menu such as silkworm pupae, honeybees, locust, ants, dormouse, snake and various species of spiders which are all high quality protein and safe to eat alongside venison, roast beef, conies, mutton, geese, pheasants, an immense variety of seafood all served with various bland to spicy hot condiments. There are more types of vegetables than you can imagine and for dessert there are quince, persimmons, grapefruit, tart oranges and apples, nuts, key limes, lemons, all kinds of cheese and berries. When Icy was in residence at Cloud Tower she much enjoyed dining on black scorpion served with a yogurt, avocado and key lime sauce. This dish has to be properly prepared by expert chefs who know how to handle black scorpions and how to remove their stingers and poison glands before cooking them. Presentation to Icy is just as important as the food itself. One day, a bad presentation of her favourite dish had Icy so angry that she marched right into the kitchen and fired the chef herself... and that chef's remains are still ablaze outside the gates of Cloud Tower to this day.

Witches do not dress in rags or chaw their food with toothless gums or mouths full of rotten teeth nor do they spit things out of their mouths onto the floor, pick their noses while eating nor do they toss gnawed bones over their shoulders to be pounced upon and devoured by packs of filthy, mangy, slobbering dogs. This is an image of Witches from the "Bad Old Days" created by fearful, ignorant and suspicious Humans who had no clue about how Witches really live. Icy and her modern day colleagues are sophisticated young women who dress in the latest high-class, albeit Witch, fashions and sit to dine with their backs straight. They eat their food in manageable bites and delicately chew each mouthful forty times with their mouths closed before swallowing and they savour every bite of food all the while looking chic and bewitchingly gorgeous doing it. In the more relaxed atmosphere of the Hex Café, Icy has been known to use her diamond hard, razor-sharp nails to snag a tasty tidbit from a common platter but she does so with grace and finesse. She can use those nails to pierce the shell of a bluebird's egg without smashing it and after sucking out its contents use them again to etch delicate crop-circle and scroll designs onto its surface. In the same manner, she has cut gossamer filigrees from orange and lemon peels while chatting with her friends. Many of her best works she has preserved and are on proud display in her room.

I think Icy would much enjoy going to a high-end Indian restaurant. The buffet would have may dishes. She could select from vegetarian dishes and meat dishes and sample a wide range of chutneys and other condiments from cool mint yogurt, salt pickles, and fiery hot pepper sauces. I think she would enjoy trying small samples of everything and savouring the wide range of tastes.

After Dinner Activity:

Icy, believe it or not, enjoys long, romantic walks in the moonlight. But don't you try to hold her hand and don't you try to hold her close to you. Also, don't feel badly if she walks before you looking haughty and aloof and giving you the impression you are a prize pet being lead along on the end of an invisible leash. This attitude is pure Icy and a good sign that she has accepted you in her own way as hers. But make no mistake about it. Icy may now own you but no one but no one owns Icy.

Icy likes sitting during hot summer nights at an outdoor café where she can sip black espresso coffee from a demitasse and nibble on bitter almond biscotti that have been glazed with unsweetened chocolate. She may often be seen there reading or chatting with friends. Such a place is a good place to stop for a time before heading home. And be sure to buy her some gelato (that is, Italian ice cream). Icy was borne and grew up in an region of Italy famous throughout this world – and several others too – for its gelato. She has an insatiable passion for it. There is a story told in Italy of some gelataria that is still trying to solve the mystery of how several tons of its best gelato vanished without a trace and only a bag of rare gold coins in the middle of an empty warehouse was found to prove that anyone had been there at all. Icy's favourite flavours are amarétto, key lime and cubebs. Something to note. Never try to impress Icy by speaking Italian to her unless you are Italian yourself or pretty darn fluent in the language. Icy is fiercely proud of her Italian homeland, its culture and its language. In Icy's opinion, the one thing that can really tick her off in a hurry is, " Hearing some loser mangle my language." The last "loser" to try needed his mouth surgically reopened.

Arriving Home:

When you finally arrive back at Icy's place. Don't expect a good night kiss. If she offers a cheek for a quick peck then just accept that and expect no more. And don't ever try for an invite into her place. That's no man's land. Remember the chef who is still ablaze outside of Cloud Tower. Just thank her for a wonderful time then turn around and respectfully walk away and feel grateful that you have been out on a date with the most beautiful Witch of the galaxy... and lived!

From your Scop and Teller of Tales,

Ælfstangard


End file.
